Tag Archive: choice

The Illusion of Choice


It’s one those nights when you think everything is going haywire. You realise you can’t control everything. But you hope you can control somethings. And you are not wrong. You can control somethings. But everything else is unplanned, uncalled for and will be left unattended. Why you ask? Why because you’re too scared to do one thing that you promised yourself that you’ll never do. Never Give Up!!

Not so easy when shit hits the fan. You realise this is not what you wanted to do. Why are you even doing this? Why are you here? I did not see myself sitting here writing this article at this part of the city or even in this city at this odd hour alone and with my guitar and coffee. What changed? Where did I lose my path and end up here? the answer is simple really. We just are sometimes too scared to acknowledge our fate that we keep believing in something that never existed. Want to know what it is? “Choice”. We really don’t have a choice. It’s all predefined by the master programmer who coded every single bone and cell and we know of. It’s just an illusion of choice that we face everyday of our life. Don’t believe me? I don’t blame you mate. I don’t believe me. But it’s true nonetheless.

Let’s go back to what you decided on when you were little. What did you imagine you would be doing when you grew up? Pilot, Policeman, Doctor, Race driver, Cricket or Football player, dancer, singer? Well, and what are you doing right now? Of course, right now you’re reading this piece of article, trying to find a connection or trying to defy one. Either way, irrelevant. You’re probably finishing up with your chores that you never planned on doing. You’re tired and looking out desperately towards the world outside for someone to come and rescue you. Probably thinking of going to that job again tomorrow or probably you’re reading at your job, in which case your condition is more severe than you might realise. But let’s not stand on ceremony here. We’re all doing something or the other that we didn’t think we would doing. I for once, wanted to travel the world when I was a kid. But also, wanted to code. Yes, I planned it all out. I looked out for the satellite phones. I saw this movie Incredible Hulk, and saw Bruce use a umbrella antenna to connect to internet. And I knew I gotta have this for when I’ll be travelling. I pass out of college at 22. I’ll do some job for 2 years, and by the time I hit 25, I’ll leave everything and start travelling. I’ll work remotely to earn money meanwhile while travelling. I don’t want to run away from my work. I like what I do. I just can’t stick to a single place. It bores the shit out of me. I have to travel. I must.

That was the plan.. Guess what I’m doing? Most of what I planned came true. I worked it all out.. Except for the most important part. I kinda settled now at this place. Bangalore. I love this city. But even the best city to live in on this country now feels like suffocation. Couple of months ago, it got bad. I thought to myself, that I need to escape this. So, I took off. Went to this beech town called Goa. Stayed their for couple of days. Roamed around the town. Met some interesting people. Saw pretty old buildings and suddenly, I felt revived. I felt like I’m back in action. And I restarted my engine and started working again. This time, I was killing it actually. I started talking better, communicating better, even was faster in grasping new tech and knowledge came quicker. Maybe it’s an illusion, but it felt good. I felt good. I thought this is what I needed. A break from monotonous life-style. So, every few months, I can take a break and go some place and relax. Come back and work again. Solid Plan. I made my choice. And there’s where I went wrong again.

Each time we think we make a choice, the time-stream is supposed to change. It essentially might just create an alternate reality or dimension of existence where we live with each of our choices. But if so, we would by now have infinite number of universes. We make choices every moment. Should I eat that last piece of pizza or let some else take it for a change? Should I wear blue or green today? Shirt or T-shirt? Jeans or Cargo? Take my bike or walk to office? Text my crush or wait for her to text back? Reply to that lunatic or let it be? Be rude to the ignorant kid or politely explain? And so on and on and on.. Infinite number of choices we make each moment. And that’s what might created an infinite number of universes. But if so, our master programmer here, might be facing with a space crunch. The power to keep each universes separate would increase. Scalability issues. Of course our master programmer wouldn’t be facing such issues not because in an infinite space, infinite number of universes wouldn’t have the problem. But because that’s not even a problem. We just think we have a choice to make, when in real we already have one. We already know we are going to wear a blue t-shirt and jeans, take the bike, eat that last slice of pizza and text first. We just realise it so much later and call the dramatic pause process as choice. Is it really a choice or are we living exactly in a matrix unable to break-free?

Maybe our Morpheus and Neo got lost in the matrix too. Or maybe we all took the red pill. Or maybe the matrix might just be too powerful to break-free from. So, how do we really break free?
Do we ever break free?
I read somewhere.. The only way out, is through.. Does that mean we accept our fate truly and only then we would be allowed to attain truly to our free will?

Some questions we really don’t know what’s going on with. Do we now? We just have to do our part and hope for the outcomes to our way.. But some outcomes are already there. Knocking continuously on the door.. Open it. Take that chance. Jump from our seat.. Grab the door and walk straight out right now.. You’re free. You just don’t realise it yet..





Friend or more

friend or more

What is a friend? Is it not the man who guides you towards the right direction when you are lost in the streets of an unknown place? Is it not the guy who gave you a lift and saved  you the trouble of physical workout? Is it not the critic who pointed out flaws in your work? Is it not the labor who carried you all the way when you were lying bleeding needing some attention?

I would call each of them a friend and every other of them whom I cross over daily on road, at restaurant, on the waiting line, on train. Yet we have a very weird notion of friend.

So, how do u define a friend? A person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

Quite the definition. Regardless of what we feel, we do consider this to be truth. Yet, we develop this affection towards each of them without any knowledge of it being mutual. And we spent the whole of our life, with this affection in our hearts and hope that it’s reciprocated the same way we transmit it. No, I ain’t talking about radio frequency here. 😛 But I do believe that it’s best to be acknowledged mutually to consider as a friend. Somehow, we may find it hard to be just friends and might consider being more than what we got. Of course, a human err.. but it is an err. How do we suppress a feeling from not growing into a different form and developing into something else than it is already. Do we kill our emotions? Do we stop talking, looking or even thinking about them? A jeppardy to fall in with no harm, at least not yet. But what happens to the friendship once it is out. Do we throw them away like they didn’t exist? Do we shred the apart and dump them somewhere so deep, as if they never existed? Whatever happens, once it is out, it is out. It ain’t going back in and we know it. We look in the eyes and see that thin line disappearing and turning into a bright light and requires a receiver that somehow willingly or unwillingly we are unable to provide for. Slowly the faces disappear and we think that the disaster just passed by. Lest do we realise that the storm remained and it develops within.

So, who is to be considered a friend? I mean to very much account for my own selfish motives at first and yet respond to the one I accounted for with selfless prejudice. An irony indeed, though given the amount of weightage seems so lightly to be taken. After all, we are humans and humans make mistakes. But if the mistake is repeadtedly time and again, it of course is not a mistake. It turns into a gesture, which of course falls completely on the observer eyes to judge between just or unjust and act accordingly.

Sometimes, the dream is more pleasant that reality, but that doesn’t mean we continue dreaming. After all, we all sooner or later have to wake up to reality. The only choice we got is, what reality would we choose it to be?

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