Category: Literary


The Illusion of Choice

Choices

It’s one those nights when you think everything is going haywire. You realise you can’t control everything. But you hope you can control somethings. And you are not wrong. You can control somethings. But everything else is unplanned, uncalled for and will be left unattended. Why you ask? Why because you’re too scared to do one thing that you promised yourself that you’ll never do. Never Give Up!!

Not so easy when shit hits the fan. You realise this is not what you wanted to do. Why are you even doing this? Why are you here? I did not see myself sitting here writing this article at this part of the city or even in this city at this odd hour alone and with my guitar and coffee. What changed? Where did I lose my path and end up here? the answer is simple really. We just are sometimes too scared to acknowledge our fate that we keep believing in something that never existed. Want to know what it is? “Choice”. We really don’t have a choice. It’s all predefined by the master programmer who coded every single bone and cell and we know of. It’s just an illusion of choice that we face everyday of our life. Don’t believe me? I don’t blame you mate. I don’t believe me. But it’s true nonetheless.

Let’s go back to what you decided on when you were little. What did you imagine you would be doing when you grew up? Pilot, Policeman, Doctor, Race driver, Cricket or Football player, dancer, singer? Well, and what are you doing right now? Of course, right now you’re reading this piece of article, trying to find a connection or trying to defy one. Either way, irrelevant. You’re probably finishing up with your chores that you never planned on doing. You’re tired and looking out desperately towards the world outside for someone to come and rescue you. Probably thinking of going to that job again tomorrow or probably you’re reading at your job, in which case your condition is more severe than you might realise. But let’s not stand on ceremony here. We’re all doing something or the other that we didn’t think we would doing. I for once, wanted to travel the world when I was a kid. But also, wanted to code. Yes, I planned it all out. I looked out for the satellite phones. I saw this movie Incredible Hulk, and saw Bruce use a umbrella antenna to connect to internet. And I knew I gotta have this for when I’ll be travelling. I pass out of college at 22. I’ll do some job for 2 years, and by the time I hit 25, I’ll leave everything and start travelling. I’ll work remotely to earn money meanwhile while travelling. I don’t want to run away from my work. I like what I do. I just can’t stick to a single place. It bores the shit out of me. I have to travel. I must.

That was the plan.. Guess what I’m doing? Most of what I planned came true. I worked it all out.. Except for the most important part. I kinda settled now at this place. Bangalore. I love this city. But even the best city to live in on this country now feels like suffocation. Couple of months ago, it got bad. I thought to myself, that I need to escape this. So, I took off. Went to this beech town called Goa. Stayed their for couple of days. Roamed around the town. Met some interesting people. Saw pretty old buildings and suddenly, I felt revived. I felt like I’m back in action. And I restarted my engine and started working again. This time, I was killing it actually. I started talking better, communicating better, even was faster in grasping new tech and knowledge came quicker. Maybe it’s an illusion, but it felt good. I felt good. I thought this is what I needed. A break from monotonous life-style. So, every few months, I can take a break and go some place and relax. Come back and work again. Solid Plan. I made my choice. And there’s where I went wrong again.

Each time we think we make a choice, the time-stream is supposed to change. It essentially might just create an alternate reality or dimension of existence where we live with each of our choices. But if so, we would by now have infinite number of universes. We make choices every moment. Should I eat that last piece of pizza or let some else take it for a change? Should I wear blue or green today? Shirt or T-shirt? Jeans or Cargo? Take my bike or walk to office? Text my crush or wait for her to text back? Reply to that lunatic or let it be? Be rude to the ignorant kid or politely explain? And so on and on and on.. Infinite number of choices we make each moment. And that’s what might created an infinite number of universes. But if so, our master programmer here, might be facing with a space crunch. The power to keep each universes separate would increase. Scalability issues. Of course our master programmer wouldn’t be facing such issues not because in an infinite space, infinite number of universes wouldn’t have the problem. But because that’s not even a problem. We just think we have a choice to make, when in real we already have one. We already know we are going to wear a blue t-shirt and jeans, take the bike, eat that last slice of pizza and text first. We just realise it so much later and call the dramatic pause process as choice. Is it really a choice or are we living exactly in a matrix unable to break-free?

Maybe our Morpheus and Neo got lost in the matrix too. Or maybe we all took the red pill. Or maybe the matrix might just be too powerful to break-free from. So, how do we really break free?
Do we ever break free?
I read somewhere.. The only way out, is through.. Does that mean we accept our fate truly and only then we would be allowed to attain truly to our free will?

Some questions we really don’t know what’s going on with. Do we now? We just have to do our part and hope for the outcomes to our way.. But some outcomes are already there. Knocking continuously on the door.. Open it. Take that chance. Jump from our seat.. Grab the door and walk straight out right now.. You’re free. You just don’t realise it yet..

 

 

 

 

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Seasons

seasons

With the last light of Autumn,
When the withering leaves the rhythm,
He who wrote so seldom,
Drowned now in his own kingdom.

With the first snow of Winter,
When the howling wolves gather,
She who once rode the panther,
Flew away before the last lead wither.

With the scorching heat of Summer,
When all of forest cries of water,
He who waited with all hope in quiver,
Remembered the last December.

With the rains of sweet Monsoon,
When they both once danced in lagoon,
She who came to replaced his favourite cartoon,
Now miles apart celebrated with another new moon.

 

 

The 4th of December

run run run

run run run


Woke up early morning,
thought I heard my alarm ringing,
excitement it was that’s singing,
only one song in my head pinging.

Had a few biscuit bites,
packed away my stuff as per my might,
locked away the doors and windows tight,
walked to the bus stop in the morning light.

Waited for the bus while making plans of kol,
Called the cab when that seemed off the poll,
Bangalore traffic took on quite a toll,
Reached the airport with minutes to goal.

The counter attendant denied the boarding,
Had the convince her with my own risk taking,
Had to convince the queue that my flight was leaving,
Made it in flight only to realise how good I’m at running.

Hunger and thirst almost took my life,
In-front of me was only the Business Times,
Got stuck in between two sleeping girls,
Jeffery Archer do comes to the rescue of all of us.

Found taxi went on a two day strike,
Buses were slow and time was flying like a kite,
Reached to meet the bday girl riding the tide,
Special lunch with food and the company was a delight.

Went strolling with my best friend in EcoPark,
Such peace fell upon us with the fall of the dark,
Alas, had to leave cause of the train to embark,
But the day had made it’s unfathomable mark.

The last ride of the day slowly chatted on,
Asked the cabbie to do me a favour and step on,
Ran across the station to the platform and jumped on,
Almost missed yet again as I ran on.

 — The invincible runner

Charlotte Cuevas

You were dying when you found me-
how’d you even find me?
You were dying when I bought that leather jacket.

You knew you were searching,
you warned me yourself,
came shopping for me when I was shopping, too.

What could I have done to heal you?
Did you think I’d had that jacket my whole life?

I had barely clipped the price tag off
when you wandered in and took me for
somebody who could love you back to life.

By now I guess you figured how to resurrect yourself-
I don’t even have that jacket anymore-
but the closet, the closet remembers the stench
of the dying you brought with you.

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