Category: AniLife


Longings

Why do I have to run
From my place by your side
Why do I have to dream
To keep you within my sight

Where do I have to be
To make it worth your while
Where would you be
If only I missed your ride

How would you feel
To be amongst the stars
How would you know
If I left you any scars

Would you stand up
Still hold me by my side
Or would you run ahead
Knowing I can’t follow your tide

Why do I have to smile
Just so you can feel better
Why do I have to leave
Just so you will live forever

And I wish I could learn
To live on without dreaming
To leave the world to burn
Consumed by my own longing.

A new direction

Today I felt like writing again.
Time has been just passing by at an unprecedented level. I thought I was toughening myself. Turns out I got weaker, slower, older.
Some things can be got back. Spatial thinking, imaginative stages, simulations. I rely on more data now. Having learnt data can show an entirely different reality is just so alluring. And yet might seem so very pretentious. It’s like the real face was there all along. Only we were too busy ogling the made up fake twin. We let other’s ideas of perfections get to us. We let it eat us up, corrupt us, deny us of everything we truly wanted. And somehow strangely enough so, we agreed to it. We made peace with the fact that we’re not meant to be. We both looked into the abyss and we both blinked. We couldn’t look past our differences, our out lavish nature of not following rules. Our sheer urge and love for a certain perfect image that corrupts even the most dedicated and loyal of selves. We start fooling ourselves. Look for distractions. Sometimes we find the perfect distraction and try to go back to a place which now has been forever corrupted.
We just ruined our future with anyone but ourselves.

We are scared. Seeking a tiny light of hope and delight. We hover around each other. Still clinging on to the reality on other boat. Gazed so long at each other trying to read between the lines that now, we can’t even find the lines. The lines becomes a dot and suddenly a full circle. We start believing out own lies. We start falling for our own con. We just made ourselves obsolete. We ceased to exist…

This emptiness is defying. Really revolting. Can’t bear it much longer. But there’s nobody else here to complain. Nobody to listen. Cause the only person to listen was us. And we drove each other obsolete. We start questioning reality. We start making an imaginary friend. We start a conversation which knows no end. We get back on the chase. Only this time, we are in control. It feels great. Triumph on some parts even. We can’t believe we cracked it. All the time humanity had and nobody had the answer to this? So many sufferings for this? We start believing the oasis is real. So real, that we start swearing by it. We make it holy. We start preaching by it. There’s always at least one more person who wouldn’t believe it. The non-believers. The critics. How can they not see the gold that we’re holding in our hands. That we want to spread and share and teach everyone how to get more of. We want to liberate everyone. We want to spread of the secret of happiness. We are the new ages prophet. We’ve heard the voice and we’ve responded. Why wouldn’t these simple minded people believe us. We’ve enough credentials to show them of our struggle. Oh look, they’re laughing at us, mocking us, doubting us. They think we’re bluffing. They assume cause we look simple, so we can’t hold anything of value. They can’t be more wrong.

Suddenly I felt a hand hold me. Pulling me out of what is now a deep morning dream. Or wait, was it a nightmare? The burden which up until now was weighing me down is now suddenly lifted. I feel lighter and more hopeful now. The possibilities are still endless. It’s all still possible. We just gotta touchdown and bounce back. But, it’s gonna be difficult this time. No harness. So, we gotta jump low and slow and let the wind carry us to the world which needs us to be ruled. We knew we were destined to rule and serve at the same time. We just didn’t knew which one was what. So, once I’ve seen your fate, I can be sure of mine. Specially cause you were in such hurry to prove yourself. The only way to travel fast is to cut down the threads. The only to learn from here is to know which threads to cut, which to loosen and which to let remain cut.

We are here to serve and rule. Serve must always take precedence. For the ruler to rule, there needs to be someone to serve.

If everyone could, everyone would be kings and queens. The world wouldn’t need us. The world needs but our vision. It needs to driven. Only this time, we’re in control. We are ready. And we are coming…

Choices

A word which draws you in and draws something else out
Living each day like you’re fighting a battle with no end full of doubt
It’s only a matter of time with each passing second they shout
Tonight is the night which you can’t live without

Was giving it all not enough for your soul
Is this the best they can play in a single role
Too much to handle you finally go out for stroll
Only to find it’s just another deeper darker hole

Perplexed with the sound of a space within the unknown
Desperately trying to breathe in a wind that hasn’t blown
Deep down all hope vanishes into a world of its own
A ray of sunshine is but written only on a stone

Would you give up now and look ahead to a world of sand
Dark cold miserable as if you were the only one banned
Would that still make you hope for another touch of hand
To restart in a world of illusion that comes in it’s own new brand

If only it were a dream disguised as a nightmare
If only I could hear you past your final dry tear
If only you would come back as the answer to my prayer
If only you weren’t just so very rare

Something hit my toe and I stood up alright
Looked down on the light that shone so bright
Scared I left it alone fearing another big fight
Maybe it was life telling me that the time is just right.

Finally I get a raven carrying your news
Couldn’t believe you were so easy to lose
As I opened my eyes I only saw the blues
Maybe this is life of what we merely choose.

A fair trade

There, as I stood watching over,
the innocent smile of yours as you leaned forward,
I tried my best, but couldn’t move any closer,
as I saw the smile fade away as if it were altered.


I looked down, at my feet which refused to move,
ask why can’t it go any closer towards you,
I looked up and tried everything to improve,
but you had already given up, to something new.


I looked back, to find a world long past gone,
You were still smiling, as if it were tiny dots.
Couldn’t we go back and stare again at the dawn,
when I could still move and hit all the right spots.


Wouldn’t that be something, to go back in time,
Would you do anything differently, knowing that where we’ll be.
Would you have even started, instead of leaving halftime,
or would you have tried desperately to make me agree.


I hope we would go back though,
cause that way, I would know,
if there was ever anything to flow,
looking below and refusing to grow.


Could I stay here for some more time,
As if you were still here, holding tight on to the light.
Could you stay here through the nighttime,
And wait till it all goes so very quite.


No, but I know you won’t stay,
for you have to be somewhere,
with someone else till it’s grey,
After all, to answer it all, it’s only but, fair.

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