Archive for July, 2014

As I see it.. It’s all there.. And it’s all true..


Last week, I became someone who never had children.

Before then, I was someone who simply didn’t have them.  In March, though, I joined the waiting list for sperm from a bank that gives its donors names like “Woody” (or “Kim,” if they’re Asian). I read 17 pages of my guy’s family history and listened to his 10-minute interview.

“What advice would you like to pass on to your future child?” the interviewer asked.

“Life is hard,” he replied. “But if you can stay interested in things, it’s also a great adventure.”

“Staying interested in things,” simple as it sounds, is a full-spectrum anti-depression light box for the soul. Put me down for four vials! (It was a twofer deal). I loved this guy!

I even loved that he was only five foot eight. His family was full of short men married to tall women, so I figured they must…

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Solitary Pursuits

Path down a Solitary Pursuit 🙂

Therapeutic Misadventures

There is a place where we can all go that allows for the silencing of the noise of ordinary life. A place where we each find a solitary pursuit of a moment; a goal, a dream fulfilled. I love the mornings because I wander and drink in every bit of new color, every drop of dew that heralds a new flower.

Writing is a solitary pursuit. How many times a day, when you are cooking, cleaning, dealing with the minutia,  those around you in all good faith say, “What can I do to help you?” and usually it is something as simple as  “OK thanks, chop this, hold this, move that,” or whatever. Some pursuits, no one can help you with. When I sit down to write, no one else can lend a hand. There is nothing any other being  can possibly add to my experience. It has to be…

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Leaving college life can be quite the thing. That amount of independence, fun, never-ending party, nobChangesody can deny to miss that. But above all what everybody actually does miss is the never-getting-bored part. I recall it’s only a year ago, when my seniors got job in the same company that recruited me and left them at home for a lil less than a year. And I thought “Wow! If I had that much chance at home, I would probably learn a lot and do a lot of things that I don’t get to do in normal course obf life.” Oh my! Why do the worst of wishes have to come true. Now, I’m dead bored and it’s only a lil over a month. I’ve actually NOT learnt anything new or even recovered what I forgot. Even still the urge for that seems no less than required. I just feel like I wanna getusy. Come on, sent me joining letter and get me some place busy in life. So does shout my fellow mates. Certainly this has been the most boring vacation ever.

Times and people do change but sometimes some people you don wanna change. Cause they were so perfect before, you wish they had been the same forever. But alas, whoever listens to the friendly voice. All people listen to is the sound and chatter of people wanting to destroy your life. Sooner or later everyone changes. Hard truth of life! Sometimes you just draw distance myself cause you take the change that once you considered closest show. you don’t want that perfect image of theirs to leave your mind. So you just in turn become all alone and left out cause you never had any real friends anyway. All there were were the people who wanted business, after all that’s what life is. You give me a favour and I’ll return sometime. Nobody is there without their own self-motivated conscience. Doesn’t matter actually. Eventually everyone has to live alone. The sooner you learn that, the better I suppose. Well, if it is of any consolation, even I changed. Yes, courtesy to the ones who’s change I couldn’t deal with. So sometimes being busy is all you might wanna be. Cause this world is too much to take in and all you would want is some place to duck your head in and wait for times to rollback and commit to the perfect time to your self. Damn, wish this could be done.. Music helps sometimes. A good track sends off to a whole different world, but that momentary thing. Soon you’re thrown back to the world of hell and all you wanna do is blow your head off. All those long night and longer days when you do is wait for that one thing which can turn your mood inside out. Sometimes all you need is an uplift. A little uplift in spirit can work wonders. At least it does for me. 😉 I remember the last time I was happy.. So happy! Damn, it’s been so long ago.. Could someone actually get to the shore when they are not allowed to row, when there is nothing worth rowing for, when the very essence of life has ceased to exist.. What do a man do after his wings has been cut off.. Should he just drag his stuff and continue surviving? Or should he still believe in fate and wait or that one bright morning when he can again start living..

Anyways, at least I got my new macbook pro to keep me company. 😀 Hell yea! You know the happiness can’t escape your face when you’re holding a lifetime of dream in your hands.. 😀 Thankfully not everything is bad after alien attack on our planet 😛 Ah, just kidding! But seriously I would want one alien invasion 😛 At least all a man can want is that one adventure that turns his life around and make him matter once again. For what is life if you just live to survive. I want a life where I survive to live. 😀 Damn how blind can I be.. All my life has been a big adventure. And I’m still alive. Yea of course, ghosts don’t write posts 😛 they got more important things to do. 😛

Waiting for the day till I don’t have to face again a lousy morning, long afternoon, tired evening and lonely nights..

Friend or more

friend or more

What is a friend? Is it not the man who guides you towards the right direction when you are lost in the streets of an unknown place? Is it not the guy who gave you a lift and saved  you the trouble of physical workout? Is it not the critic who pointed out flaws in your work? Is it not the labor who carried you all the way when you were lying bleeding needing some attention?

I would call each of them a friend and every other of them whom I cross over daily on road, at restaurant, on the waiting line, on train. Yet we have a very weird notion of friend.

So, how do u define a friend? A person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

Quite the definition. Regardless of what we feel, we do consider this to be truth. Yet, we develop this affection towards each of them without any knowledge of it being mutual. And we spent the whole of our life, with this affection in our hearts and hope that it’s reciprocated the same way we transmit it. No, I ain’t talking about radio frequency here. 😛 But I do believe that it’s best to be acknowledged mutually to consider as a friend. Somehow, we may find it hard to be just friends and might consider being more than what we got. Of course, a human err.. but it is an err. How do we suppress a feeling from not growing into a different form and developing into something else than it is already. Do we kill our emotions? Do we stop talking, looking or even thinking about them? A jeppardy to fall in with no harm, at least not yet. But what happens to the friendship once it is out. Do we throw them away like they didn’t exist? Do we shred the apart and dump them somewhere so deep, as if they never existed? Whatever happens, once it is out, it is out. It ain’t going back in and we know it. We look in the eyes and see that thin line disappearing and turning into a bright light and requires a receiver that somehow willingly or unwillingly we are unable to provide for. Slowly the faces disappear and we think that the disaster just passed by. Lest do we realise that the storm remained and it develops within.

So, who is to be considered a friend? I mean to very much account for my own selfish motives at first and yet respond to the one I accounted for with selfless prejudice. An irony indeed, though given the amount of weightage seems so lightly to be taken. After all, we are humans and humans make mistakes. But if the mistake is repeadtedly time and again, it of course is not a mistake. It turns into a gesture, which of course falls completely on the observer eyes to judge between just or unjust and act accordingly.

Sometimes, the dream is more pleasant that reality, but that doesn’t mean we continue dreaming. After all, we all sooner or later have to wake up to reality. The only choice we got is, what reality would we choose it to be?

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